AGH

[neveralarch]

I AM SO MAD ABOUT HANNIBAL.

I am not with the show, I really cannot do the show, but the FANDOM. Never has a fandom pushed, nay, stamped on my buttons like this. And at the same time, there's this thing I cannot deal with at all called 'cannibalism,' and guess what that show's about!

I have read two Hannibal fics because they each had the perfect perfect fic summary for my id. And then I spent a while with my skin crawling and feeling vaguely nauseous. But the fics are REALLY good and REALLY stamping on my buttons, so there has been some rereading. And some more nausea. Someone save me from myself/this fandom. And the AO3 Collars tag, because it is definitely the middleman here.

Anyway. Needed to vent. I'm still finals-ing and behind on dealing with comments/emails, but if you have a fandom that mashes your buttons and your squicks at the same time, please share! I would like to know if this happens to people not me.

Comments

hope you like tldr >//>

[stalkerbunny]

I feel you on the cannibalism squick (actually all fatal physical or irreparable mental damage is just. no). :'3

I can't say I'm particularly drawn to the fandom either, but I can't seem to get away from seeing stuff on tumblr (despite filtering the tag) which is a bit annoying.

I hope the following doesn't go to TMI category, btw. Hard to talk about kinks without it getting slightly personal. :')

That said... I know the feel where I read a fic because it has a really hot kink but one that is often combined with something really unpleasant so the resulting feeling is... conflicted (see the permanent damage thing). I often even read fics for fandoms I'm totally unfamiliar with just for the kink, tbh.

Sometimes the problematic is built in in the nature of the kink itself too, like most things playing with dubious consent. The fantasy might be hot, but at the same time I can't always get away from the "but in reality this would just be sickening so WHY is it hot here...?!"-thoughts, no matter how much I tell myself it's not the same thing...

Actually, one fandom where I often seem to have bad luck is Simm!Master/Ten, especially when combined with BDSM kink. (Disclaimer, not meaning to bash these fics because they were quite well written and people have different tastes and that's ok, just explaining why I didn't like them. :'))

I ship, if to very varying degrees, the different versions of those characters (except maybe Crispy!Master. At least I don't want to read porn with him again because of Reasons), but Simm!Master and Ten are just my least favourite versions on their own and their relationship doesn't compel me either...

my point is, of the very few fics with them I've read, one was really hot (tardis!tentacles! And collars!)... until The Doctor got basically lobotomized into complete submission and would never ever be himself anymore and it was really squicky to me.

And there was another fic recently that I'm hesitant to finish because at some points it seemed like it was going in a similar direction... or possibly not. Either way, again, it was really well written, and started with some really hot scenes (and others I was a bit meh about but could ignore), but then The Master, who was the Dom in the D/s relationship they had going (tbh I tend to prefer it the other way around in fics anyway) just... blatantly used physical force and pain to make the Doctor do what he wanted and it felt like cheating to me.

I mean, I personally cannot respect the dominance of a person who has to force it like that, so it kind of ruined any possible hotness from that scene.

Re: hope you like tldr >//>

[neveralarch]

OMG, we are brain twins. I tend to seek out BDSM fic even in fandoms I don't know too (see, why I made this post), but I tend to get really frustrated because I don't like reading fics with dubcon or noncon and a lot of kinky fics edge too far into dubcon for me. And they can be well written and really interesting, but it's just not for me.

It's esp annoying when you're reading along and it's fine and then you're in the middle of a long fic and all of a sudden the author does something and none of it works for you anymore. I feel like I need someone to vet fic for me ahead of time, except I would be way too embarrassed to ask for that, haha. Also I read too much fic to wait for recs, tbh.

ANYWAY, I totally feel you on basically all of these feels. I remember coming into DW fandom when basically all I could find in Doctor/Master was Ten/Simm!Master, which was fine for A WHILE, but then I ran out of anything to read which wasn't dubcon or noncon. And there was a lot of it. I'm really glad that Classic Doctor/Master tends to have less of that.

(also I feel you on sub!Master, that is basically 80% of my desires for any given kinky Doctor/Master fic)

[stalkerbunny]

With that first fic I mentioned, I actually thought it was going to be a (relatively) lighthearted one because... that's how it seemed at the start? So the ending was extra shocking. But at least it was a fairly short one... ahaha let's not even talk about long and involving fics.

The sort where at some point you realize it'll probably get darker than you can handle but you can't stop reading? Once missed class because I was both upset and reading onward obsessively.

(Granted, depends a bit on which versions of the character it is, but Delgado!Master and Three especially feel like they're easier too see that way?)

[neveralarch]

Yes yes yes on the ones where you just get sort of sucked in even though you know that reading further is probably just going to mess you up for a while. It's a kind of good writing that I'm impressed by, but- idk, there are several bookmarks in my pinboard that say things like AMAZING FIC, NEVER TRY TO READ THIS AGAIN.

[stalkerbunny]

...Ever read that one really long Doctor/Master fic that starts out with them being married and almost but not quite unrealistically happy together and then it's just a long, gradual spiral to madness? For both the Master and the reader 8'3 (which had a soort of happy ending but Things about it bugged me so it also wasn't).

Also there was one shalka!verse not-quite-shippy fic where I checked it for an unhappy ending (so I could get away before I got too invested) and then in the end what I thought was a happy ending was actually a flashback to happier times and the real ending was super heartbreaking... why???!

Ah well. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger or just mildly deranged. *twitch*

[neveralarch]

The first one sounds really familiar, and I must have read the second, but I can't place either of them. Maaaybe you could PM me the titles, so I can satisfy my curiosity without accidentally offending anyone?

I actually can't describe the fics that sucked me in despite myself - I tend to lose details really quickly, which is why I keep descriptive notes on my bookmarks, except the two fics that I recall being particularly scarring only have the notes 'Aaaagh holy fuck,' and 'Augh, murder,' and 'I cannot read this story again, it will kill me.' So, you know, I guess they're descriptive of something. Not really the plot.