neveralarch

fic: Rookie of the Year - complete!

2025-06-26T16:17:47Z

Rookie of the year is complete! Except. I've still been writing more things that happen to Trey. So there's also a series on ao3 you can follow if you'd like to see more over the next few weeks.

Rookie of the Year
Original work
Rating: adult
Characters: first pick NHL rookie/his entire team, background rookie/his college girlfriend
Wordcount: 19,800

"It's an orgy," said Lindsey, on the phone.

"It's not an orgy," said Trey, frustrated. "It's team bonding. The vets welcoming the rookies to the team. It's this big honor."

"A big honor that you had to get an STI test for," said Lindsey, flatly.

"There's not gonna be any girls there," said Trey, soothingly. "It's just the team. It's really secret, actually, I'm not supposed to be telling you about it at all. You just go to the party, you get welcomed in, and then, uh, that's it. That's mostly it."

Lindsey didn't say anything. Trey had to pull his phone away for a second to make sure she hadn't hung up.

"I think," he said, when the silence had stretched on to the point of misery. "I mean, I don't know, but I think there's some magic involved. Like, there's rumors."

"Rumors," said Lindsey.

Trey hesitated, but he'd been the one to call. He'd opened this can of worms, and now he was gonna lie in it. "Guys' dicks get shorter."

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: Rookie of the Year

2025-06-20T16:14:35Z

A couple weeks ago I got hit by a wild porn concept involving a magic sex ritual initiation for hockey players. And I wrote 15k of it in 5 days. So, you know. This is happening to us all now. Check the tags and notes for content warnings!

Rookie of the Year
Chapter 1 of 3
Original work
Rating: adult
Characters: first pick NHL rookie/his entire team, background rookie/his college girlfriend
Wordcount: 5,500ish this chapter

"It's an orgy," said Lindsey, on the phone.

"It's not an orgy," said Trey, frustrated. "It's team bonding. The vets welcoming the rookies to the team. It's this big honor."

"A big honor that you had to get an STI test for," said Lindsey, flatly.

"There's not gonna be any girls there," said Trey, soothingly. "It's just the team. It's really secret, actually, I'm not supposed to be telling you about it at all. You just go to the party, you get welcomed in, and then, uh, that's it. That's mostly it."

Lindsey didn't say anything. Trey had to pull his phone away for a second to make sure she hadn't hung up.

"I think," he said, when the silence had stretched on to the point of misery. "I mean, I don't know, but I think there's some magic involved. Like, there's rumors."

"Rumors," said Lindsey.

Trey hesitated, but he'd been the one to call. He'd opened this can of worms, and now he was gonna lie in it. "Guys' dicks get shorter."

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: Impulse Control

2025-05-21T20:12:45Z

Impulse Control
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: adult
Characters: Kakashi/Gai
Wordcount: 2,600ish
Summary:
In a moment of weakness, Kakashi does it. He pinches Gai's chest through the jumpsuit. He won't lie and say he couldn't help it, but Gai just looked so cute... And he looks even cuter after Kakashi pinches him.

Now that Kakashi knows what Gai looks like when he's turned on and embarrassed, he's having a lot of trouble ignoring his impulses.

Read it on the AO3!

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2024 Fanfic Year-End Summary-Type Thing

2025-05-01T21:54:16Z

So last year my year-end summary was late because I could NOT look at or engage with my 2023 fic. This year it's late because I've been writing so so much lmao. Very different experience.

I posted 160,287 words of fanfic last year, including the longest thing I've ever posted. That's the second highest total ever, eclipsed only by 2020 when I was trapped at home all day every day. AND I didn't post anything until May this year. The total breaks down into 15 stories: 1 story/1,262 words of Doctor Who for Yuletide, 1 very old Great Mouse Detective story (9,682 words), 2 stories/11,211 words of Transformers, 1 Discworld flashfic (1,316 words), 1 Dungeon Meshi fic (2,133), and 9 stories/134,683 words of Naruto. 95,507 words were written with Dez :)

Yearly questions and answers under the cut. Note that a lot of the fics linked are NSFW/adult.

( The Cut )

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fic: The Ancient Chain of Rassilon

2025-04-27T00:42:14Z

The Ancient Chain of Rassilon
Fandom: Gallifrey
Rating: gen
Characters: Romana & Gallifrey ensemble
Wordcount: 3,500ish
Summary:
"Well," said Romana, after the third day in which the ancient chain of Rassilon had inconveniently failed to turn up where it was supposed to be. "The important thing is not to panic."

Originally written for the Pride and Politics Gallifrey fanzine!

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: Curl You Right Round My Finger

2025-04-15T17:50:32Z

Curl You Right Round My Finger
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: adult
Characters: Kakashi/Gai
Wordcount: 3,600ish
Summary:
Kakashi!! Kakashi didn't have a dom! It was absurd. Gai knew why he struggled to maintain even casual scene partners. He was too loud, too brash, too much the stereotype of the overbearing dom. As he'd grown taller and broader as a young man, his dynamic had become obvious in more ways than one. He had big hands, a chiseled jaw, and the ready instincts of a herding dog. He was a dom. A large, cheerful, annoying dom.

(Gai might not be a dom, and Kakashi definitely isn't the typical sub. But you know what, whatever they have is working for them.)

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: Gimme Something, Anything, Please

2025-04-07T19:36:25Z

Gimme Something, Anything, Please
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: adult
Characters: Kakashi/Gai
Wordcount: 3,000ish
Summary:
"Kakashi!" Gai put his hands on his hips, puffing up his chest and grinning broadly as the door closed behind him. "Your handsome, beloved, youthful rival has returned!"

After a long mission, Gai is ready to greet his man of destiny with all the passion in his burning heart. Kakashi, on the other hand... Well, Kakashi just started a new book. (Bored and ignored kink)

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: The Art of Getting What You Want

2025-02-18T22:49:00Z

The Art of Getting What You Want
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: adult
Characters: Kakashi/Gai
Wordcount: 2,100ish
Summary:
Kakashi runs an errand. Which would be fine, except he and Gai were kind of in the middle of something.

(Inspired by my bad sex bingo 'leaving mid sex' altho tbh they have a pretty good time here.)

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: Wear Your Body Like a Costume

2025-02-11T02:13:44Z

Wear Your Body Like a Costume
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: adult
Characters: Kakashi/Gai
Wordcount: 4,900ish
Summary:
“Now,” the announcer yelled, “the man you’ve all been waiting for! The myth! The legend! The blue beast of Konoha!”

Gai goes to the local strip club's ladies' night with his friends, who are very eager for him to see the headliner. Maybe too eager. But despite Gai's misgivings, there are some welcome surprises in store.

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: Listen to the Wind Blow

2025-02-01T20:16:20Z

Me n Dez doing weird toxic love triangles again. Mind the tags on this one, dark themes.

Listen to the Wind Blow
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: adult
Characters: Kakashi/Gai, Kakashi/Obito
Chapter wordcount: 10,300ish
Summary:
Kakashi disappeared from Konoha on a warm October night, a few days after the Village was devastated by the Kyūbi attack. More than a decade later, Gai is still trying to pick up the pieces.

There's something keeping Gai tangled up with Kakashi. But Kakashi's entanglements go far beyond Gai, and the man at the bottom of the chain might just drag them all down, if they can't get free.

Read it on the AO3

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fic: Crescent Bruises and Towel Dried Hair

2025-01-14T18:45:46Z

Not only did Naruto start happening to me again in 2024, it's still happening to me in 2025...

Crescent Bruises and Towel Dried Hair
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: adult
Characters: Kakashi/Gai
Chapter wordcount: 4,700ish
Summary:
When Kakashi and Gai have sex, it's usually Kakashi calling the shots. But he wants to do something nice for Gai this time. Even if, for some reason, that involves letting Gai be nice to him.

(Sadist Kakashi tries very very hard to give Gai his perfect hurt/comfort fantasy.)

Read it on the AO3

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fic: Dental Maintenance

2024-12-31T23:29:39Z

Almost forgot to post this fic before the year was up!

Dental Maintenance
Fandom: Transformers (IDW)
Rating: gen
Characters: Deadlock, Ratchet, Starscream
Chapter wordcount: 900ish
Summary:
A little fic about Deadlock's teeth. Originally written as a minizine to give away at TF Con 2024!

Read it on the AO3

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fic: Too Much

2024-12-20T16:49:45Z

Too Much
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: adult
Characters: Kakashi/Gai
Chapter wordcount: 9,200ish
Summary:
Gai discovers that his boyfriend (boyfriend!!) Kakashi is, ah, attending to his own needs when he thinks Gai is too busy to have sex with him. Well, Gai is never too busy for Kakashi! And he's going to prove it!

Read it on the AO3!

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2024 Yuletide Letter

2024-10-17T14:21:12Z

Hello author! Happy Yuletide season :) Treats are also welcome, if anyone's wondering!

( details under the cut )

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fic: Red Sun, Autumn Chill

2024-09-19T15:19:02Z

Dez and I spent the last month writing a goddamn novella, and we're starting to post it now:

Red Sun, Autumn Chill
Chapter 1 of 5
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: adult
Characters: Kakashi/Gai
Chapter wordcount: 7,300ish
Summary:
The delegation from Iwagakure arrives in Konoha on a cold, misty morning. It carries with it wedding gifts, guests, and a man promised to marry Hatake Kakashi. Political marriage in the shinobi world has its own set of duties and expectations, its difficult conflicted loyalties. But Maito Gai has been obsessed with Kakashi since they were twelve years old. If anyone could make this work, surely it's them.

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: The Adventure of the Forged Statues

2024-09-12T17:35:28Z

So I wrote this fic almost exactly a decade ago and never did any editing past the first draft despite receiving some really helpful beta notes because it seemed hard and I lost interest. The writing isn't polished, the set up is a thin excuse for kink, but my buddy Dez has convinced me to let it be free into the world because it's Fun haha. Enjoy!

The Adventure of the Forged Statues
Fandom: The Great Mouse Detective
Rating: adult
Characters: Basil/Ratigan
Wordcount: 9,700ish
Summary:
When Ratigan falls ill upon arrest, Basil takes it upon himself to nurse his nemesis back to health so that he can stand trial and be properly convicted of his many numerous crimes. Basil has no ulterior motives. Absolutely, positively none at all.

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: Dantian

2024-08-29T16:58:29Z

Dantian
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: adult
Characters: Kakashi/Gai
Wordcount: 7,300ish
Summary:
Kakashi is not dying. He's fine. But if it'll keep Lady Tsunade and his rival Gai happy, whatever, he'll get himself checked out by some chakra network experts. They'll probably tell him to eat some hot food and get back to work.

That's not what they tell him.

(A magical healing cock/dual cultivation fic to help Kakashi deal with the chronic illness induced by his very traumatic life.)

Read it on the AO3!

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2023 Fanfic Year-End Summary-Type Thing

2024-08-21T18:56:36Z

This is sooo belated. Usually I get the year-end summary out in January, maybe February - in 2016 I got it out in April and looking back this was a big sign of my bad mental health at the time. So, uhh. Hello. It is August. I'm feeling okay, actually! I was just totally unable to engage with most of my 2023 output until now.

I fell out of Transformers fandom really abruptly right at the end of last year and had this weird period of not wanting to engage with it at all - and because I've pretty much only been interested in Transformers and nothing else for a good five years I was like ??? what's going on? Am I having another depressive episode? But I have so much energy for playing music and learning Cantonese and doing fun things... Just not my main source of dopamine...

And then a couple months ago I got into Naruto and the writing energy was like HELLO I'M HERE. And I'm starting to enjoy engaging with Transformers again too :) So that's a story for next January, and in the meantime I'm feeling better able to contemplate this summary thing.

I posted 93,830 words of fanfic last year! Truly a lot of things until I hit that wall in December. This breaks down into 13 stories: 1 story/1,637 words of Yuletide, and 15 stories/92,193 words of Transformers. I also wrote, I have to say, a LOT of porn.

Yearly questions and answers under the cut. Note that as above, a lot of the fics linked are NSFW/adult.

( The Cut )

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naruto fic: Torn Green Paper and Exposure Therapy

2024-08-18T17:47:43Z

Me and Dez have been writing tons and tons of Kakagai fic, and I'm behind on fic posts. So here's two! They're from a series that also includes two great fics by Dez.

Torn Green Paper
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: adult
(see tags/notes for details)
Characters: Kakashi/Gai
Wordcount: 21,100ish
Summary:
Outside of ANBU headquarters, there is a bulletin. A particular, infamous bulletin. Anyone can post, in theory, but in practice it ends up being a certain kind of person.

Might Gai is not the usual kind of person. Obviously, Kakashi can’t just leave this alone.

Read it on the AO3!

Exposure Therapy
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: adult
(mostly cuck stuff, see tags/notes for details)
Characters: Kakashi/Gai
Wordcount: 4,000ish
Summary:
Kakashi doesn't like seeing Gai with other men. He doesn't like seeing the way Gai smiles at them, or the way they smile back. He doesn't like thinking about the day when Gai inevitably finds someone better to spend his time with.

But he needs to stop snapping at shadows. Maybe if he can just get used to the idea...

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: Carry What You Can Hold

2024-07-19T21:16:57Z

Hey!! It's TF reverse bang time!! With art by Hanaby3!

Carry What You Can Hold
Fandom: Transformers IDW
Rating: adult
(Explicit sex [plug n play])
Characters: Rung/Deadlock
Wordcount: 10,200ish
Summary:
A lot of mechs are looking for Rung, the runaway psychiatrist who maybe has something to do with the tech behind cold construction. Deadlock's been hired to track him down. But now that he's got him, he has to decide what to do with him...

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: Becoming

2024-06-20T17:35:19Z

This fic has spoilers for the Dungeon Meshi manga ending! Watch out!!

Becoming
Fandom: Dungeon Meshi
Rating: gen
Characters: Kabru & Laios, Falin, Mithrun
Wordcount: 2100ish
Summary:
The thing was, Kabru had expected Laios to turn back.

(Kabru and the monster king of the Golden Country)

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: We Are All Flesh

2024-05-24T21:00:38Z

Hello I've spent the last month writing kakagai mpreg. Trans man Kakashi, probably not going the direction you expect.

We Are All Flesh
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: mature
(see tags/notes for details)
Characters: Kakashi & Gai (trending toward Kakashi/Gai)
Wordcount: 8400ish
Summary:
"Your clan has produced two great geniuses," said Koharu. "It is your obligation as Hokage to expand on this success and reestablish the Hatakes as a substantial presence in Konoha."

Kakashi doesn't care much about the family name, but he does want kids. A family. People to protect. Technically he has the capability to make that happen. The only problem is that he doesn't have a partner, and also the thought of getting pregnant makes him feel sick.

Luckily, Gai has a solution.

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: Ambulatory

2024-05-17T14:12:27Z

Ambulatory
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: pg
Characters: Kakashi & Gai (pre-slash)
Wordcount: 2400ish
Summary:
Kakashi's meds had been a problem ever since he joined Anbu, and Gai felt completely inadequate to offer any help. He understood the necessity—you cared for wounds to make them better, and chronic injuries required attention and support too. But wounds in the mind seemed more troublesome than cuts or strains or even poison. No one ever said 'oh, that antidote didn't work. Let's wait three weeks and try another one.' Or 'hmm, maybe your body doesn't like stitches, let's try letting it scar instead.'

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: Stand Me Up at the Gates of Hell

2024-05-07T22:11:39Z

Hello apparently this is what I'm doing now

Stand Me Up at the Gates of Hell
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: adult
(explicit sex)
Characters: Kakashi/Gai
Wordcount: 6500ish
Summary:

Gai's exuberant lack of filter and Kakashi's unwillingness to back down lands them in a chastity challenge. Which Kakashi is going to win, obviously. Even if he has to redefine what winning actually looks like.

Read it on the AO3!

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fic: Never Counted Backwards

2023-12-05T21:59:02Z

Never Counted Backwards
Fandom: Transformers G1
Rating: adult
(Hypnosis, explicit sex)
Characters: Hound/Mirage, Hound/Jazz/Mirage
Wordcount: 2500ish
Summary:

Someone's sent Mirage a program in a blatantly obvious, amateurish attempt to hypnotize him. Well, he won't fall for it. He'll simply take the time to observe its objectives and capabilities, and then report it to his chain of command.

...Any second now.

Read it on the AO3!

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